Al Gore III And His Plan To Change History

Issue: Al Gore III was arrested for driving his Prius 100 mph at 2:30 am on a California highway. A search of the car yielded marijuana, Xanax, Vicodin, Adderall, and Soma. Here is how this episode was caused by man-made global warming.

1st degree: The Earth has a history of climate change, but only now that people have technology do we know that it is caused by people using technology, exhaling, and allowing cows to expel gas. We also must assume that the end of the last ice age was caused by our actions today. Impossible you say? Not if our actions today are the only possible causes of global warming.

2nd degree: Former Vice President Al Gore, struggling for relevance, has found a home as the Caliph of the new Global Warming religion. The children of a savior are bound to be under incredible pressure.

3rd degree: The pressure of living up to his name weighed mightily on the younger Gore. He apparently turned to drugs to relieve some of that pressure. One could argue that being the son of Al Gore is reasonable justification for using marijuana for medical (psychological) reasons.

4th degree: Al III so wanted to impress the almighty Goracle that he devised a plan. He would drive really fast... so fast that he would reverse the Earth’s revolutions and take the planet back to a time before technology. This idea was no doubt inspired by “Superman” starring the late Christopher Reeve.

5th degree: The time came to execute the plan. Puffy Gore’s concerts around the world were soon to start and Al III knew that if he could eliminate the cause of global warming before all these energy consuming events could take place he could be a hero in the eyes of the father. He would have been solely responsible for saving Al The Prophet from realizations of obvious hypocrisy.

6th degree: Unfortunately, Al III spent the money his father had allotted him for carbon offsets on drugs so he could not afford to buy anything with more power than his Prius. Thus the fact that he was driving a Prius prevented the successful execution of the plan.

There is a bright side to this episode. WE now know that if you want to travel at a speed capable of reversing the rotation of The Earth you should not try to do it in a hybrid.